suck a sausage

[Ket]

Two guys, Brian and Dave, fancied a drink or two but didn't have much money between them. They could only raise the staggering sum of two dollars.

Brian said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Dave said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"

Brian replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the nearest bar where Brian immediately ordered two beers and two whiskies.

Dave said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"

Brian replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their drinks.

Brian said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage in my pants. You go on your knees, pull it through my zipper and put it in your mouth."

As Dave did this, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued the same scam, bar after bar, getting drunker and drunker, and all for free.

At the tenth bar Dave said "Brian - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me! I'm losin the plot"

Brian said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third bar."

[Ket]

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball."
Man- "That's nice."
Boy- "Want to buy it?"
Man- "No, thanks."
Boy- "My dad's outside."
Man- "OK, how much?"
Boy- "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy- "Dark in here."
Man- "Yes, it is."
Boy- "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy- "$750."
Man- "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

[_LaDy KaY_]

LMAO especially the sasauge 1!!!