Maxit Mag

 

I don’t trust movies packed haphazardly with women. When a group of women get together (the premise of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2), it’s nothing but bad news for me. For example: they find new ways to write on my car, adjust to the same cycle, reject the need for men (producing asexually), and ultimately becoming more powerful than I could possibly imagine. Oh, and when they get together, my paranoia goes up, too.

What’s worse -- they read Cosmo together! An inexplicably-lengthy periodical that fills their heads with wise tales about the female orgasm. Female orgasm? What the Hell is that? Is it when the ovarian follicle ruptures and discharges an ovum? (I fell asleep on a Science Weekly once).

I’m also weary of how these movies effect me personally. Upon seeing The Notebook, a movie so incredibly womany, I was actually Rachel McAdams for a sort time. It took 5 Charles Bronson movies to get me back to my present man-form.

At any event, when Gossip Girl star Blake Lively began filmming The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (which I believe is the prequel to The Brotherhood of the Wandering Pant), Lively caused production woes by crashing a moped and stepping on a sea urchin. (Reportedly, Lindsay Lohan felt threatened by this and crashed through Sea World).

"I crashed a moped on the first day of shooting into [co-star] America [Ferrera] and into an ancient stone wall," Blake Lively said. "I also jumped off a cliff and while I was crawling out [of the sea] – while I had a gimp knee – I stepped on a sea urchin and got, like, 42 sea urchin needles lodged in my foot."

Here are more moments of her "Jar Jar-mushian" clumsiness and carelessness:

 

Here, Blake is seconds away from crashing into the display wall, where a pool full of feathers and tar await.

 

Blake finds her way barefoot on an ice rink.

 

With hazel thickets stuck in her hair, Blake pushes back the pain of the penetrating thorns and blood.

 

Trapped in a small box, Miss Lively’s hands are tied for some reason.

 

Losing her clothes in the ocean, she accidently glues her mouth open.