Maxit Mag

 

Just minutes after turning 18, Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere has already made it into FHM's Sexiest Women list, raking just below Hannah Montana and Zoey 101! Yes, because of Hayden Panettiere's beauty, she's found herself in a comfortable groove, allowing her co-actors to do all the heavy lifting in the acting department.

The following is meant to be solely satirical. If any part of the proceeding is confused as actual news, our sincerest apologies... stupid.

 

Returning to Heroes for a second year has actress Hayden Panettiere [pronounced Palant�r] finding herself in an acting comfort zone, becoming unbelievably lethargic and unengaged with the show.

"I might be phoning it in, but when you're working with such great actors, it's kind of hard to go wrong -- and I've actually tried by speaking like Carol Channing, but they just keep fixing it in Post," Panettiere said. "But really, acting in this show isn't very hard at all; during action sequences I'll find myself balancing my check book, while not accepting invites from presidential hopefuls on Myspace. But yeah, the real challenge, for me, is fanning interest in my co-workers acting while struggling to say my own lines before they're finished with theirs."

In Heroes -- the show that boasts high ratings, and the tagline, "We do things like Lost, but we're different, okay?" -- we find Hayden Panettiere's character, Claire, coming to grips with being a Hero, which, says Panettiere "is hard," she recalls.

"As we've seen in Heroes, sometimes what we try for, we don't always succeed at all the time," she said. "And don't quote me on this, but I'm fairly certain there are scenes where characters pursue things, things with inherent drama in them; does that sound right?"

Season Two of Heroes will find Claire delving into her powers more, like the power of getting burnt a lot while still smelling like sweet, sweet orchids.

"This season she's really looking to figure out more about her powers," she said. "I, myself, wish I had the power to fight off napes during scenes; luckily, my co-actors acting is so strong, it somehow counts as two performances, leaving me more time work on my virginity lessons."

With the show getting closer and closer to revealing more of its secrets, Panettiere believes she has future story lines figured out.

"Now granted, I'm completely unengaged with the show, but because Heroes constantly acknowledges stuff we know nerds like, I think the secrets have something to do with a dwarf, superhero, mutant-ninja, Dr Who, cave troll, that join forces with the X-Men and the Justice League to fight low comic book sells; or not... I don't know."

 

After a costume fitting, Hayden Panettiere somehow locks herself in the basement; board, she cheerleads for the frozen preserves.

 

During shooting, Hayden wanders off the set and stumbles upon the writers room and demands more scenes of her bloody and on fire, not realizing that the writers are her co-actors.

 

More uninterest with the show ensues when Hayden thinks of nothing but getting XBox 360 achievements points and uses them to buy giant puka shells.

 

Becoming disembodied is another way Hayden chills out when she isn't bored during a scene.

 

To awake her during a scene, a co-actor gives her an atomic wedgie.

 

Miss Panettiere drapes herself in a portable relaxation camber, known to decrease self-motivation by 12 percent.